An Arab & a Jew

An Arab needed a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises.

Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries.

Finally, a Jew was located who had similar type of blood. The Jew willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Jew as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Rolls, diamonds, Lapiz Lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars.

Unfortunately, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery once again.

His doctor telephoned the Jew who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a thank you card and a jar of Almond Roca Sweets.

The Jew was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocatete the Jew's kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner. The Arab replied "Habibi, now I have Jewish blood!"

at Heathrow Airport

An Israeli lands at Heathrow Airport. As he's going through customs, he's asked: "Occupation?"
He answers "No, no, just tourism!”

Practical application

He's teaching her arithmetic,

He said it was his mission,

He kissed her once,

he kissed her twice

And said, "Now that's addition.

***

"As he added smack by smack

In silent satisfaction,

She sweetly gave the kisses back

And said, "Now that's subtraction.

***

"Then he kissed her, she kissed him,

Without an explanation,

And both together smiled and said,

"That's multiplication.

***

"Then Dad appeared upon the scene

andMade a quick decision.

He kicked that kid three blocks away

And said, "That's long division!"

Beer for everyone!

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Beer for me, beer for you, and beer for everyone in the bar right now." He downs it quickly, and then starts walking out of the bar. "Hey, what about the payment?" yells the bartender.

The man shrugs, says that he has no money.

Furious, the bartender beats the man as hard as he can, then throws him out into the street.

The next evening the same man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender: "Beer for me, beer for you, and beer for everyone in the bar right now." Okay, thinks the bartender, He can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so tonight he must have the money.

And so the bartender pours out the beer for everyone ... and again the man downs it quickly, and then starts walking out of the bar. "Hey, what about the payment?" yells the bartender. Once again the man shrugs, says that he has no money. Furious, the bartender beats the man as hard as he can, then throws him out into the street.

The next evening the same man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender: "Beer for me, and beer for everyone who is now in the bar.""What," asks the bartender sarcastically, "no beer for me this time?""No," answers the man, "you get violent when you drink."